My Story

by Sadie (38-S-1)

I am fourty-four years old. I can't remember back far enough in time to when I wasn't drawn to girl's things or to the time I wasn't struggling against these desires. Maybe this in itself de- feated its own purpose by drawing attention to it.

I, too, spent my time before the big mirror in mother's room. But, in my case, when I was dressed in my own clothes I kept tell- ing myself what a goodlooking boy I was and how silly I looked in a dress.

My home life was happy. than my mother and father. The dealings with my brother and I were as they should be. We were raised as boys with no long per- iod in dress as infants. I don't know where or when I discovered girl's clothing.

No one could have been more in love

We lived in a country town. Just one row of houses along each of the roads with the woods coming right up to the back of the lots and at the back of nearly all houses, a trash pile. Each home had its own dump at the edge of the woods. Some times I discovered that a lot of women's clothes were just thrown away on these trash piles. I guess it's natural for kids to pick dumps for treasures, I know we all did. So somewhere back there, I started carrying the women's and girl's things I found off to the woods. If there were other boys with me I'd pick up the things as if I were looking for something under them and place them aside were I could come back for them later.

Hollow logs and large flat rocks or the space under fallen trees were my hiding places. At these places I'd remove my own clothes, place them in hiding, and dress in the girl things. I'd then take a short walk. But with the rain, dew, mold, and bugs they never lasted very long. Often I'd find I couldn't get my head and shoulders back out of a dress or slip and would tear it to remove it. Also, I'd usually be gripped with shame and remorse and would vow never again and would destroy everything. But the old urge would be back shortly whether there was anything to wear

37.